my most imaginative thoughts appear in the middle of the night, when drifting off to sleep. i'm too lazy to sit up and scrawl them down, hoping that they'll reappear in the morning, but to no avail. i'm left with a jumble of thoughts and nothing coherent to write about. it's been a while since my last entry though, so i figured i'd put something down.

i've been thinking a lot about why i want to become a psychologist (really). i mean, yes i want to learn and understand aspects of human behaviour and be trained to help improve their mental health. but why? what's behind that? i have a little dark thought circling in my mind that this is all for selfish personally-fulfilling reasons. i mean, at least people that work in business don't have to pretend like they're doing good to others. they can admit it's for the money. but many of the helping professions don't offer lucrative salaries -- are the people in these professions deprived of self-fulfillment? why, really, do we want to help and serve others, if not for our benefit? And if it is for our benefit, is there really another alternative? is it possible to be truly selfless?